


Why'd You Leave Me

by thingswaitingtobewritten



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Physical Abuse, M/M, i don't know how to tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-25
Updated: 2019-03-25
Packaged: 2019-12-07 18:37:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18238742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thingswaitingtobewritten/pseuds/thingswaitingtobewritten
Summary: Michael and Alex deal with the aftermath of what happened in the shed.





	Why'd You Leave Me

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic in this fandom, so I guess let me know how I did! I hope you guys enjoy it!  
> And the title is from the song All I Want by Kodaline, which I feel fits the story very well.

The Monday after that fateful evening in the toolshed, Michael made his way into school. His hand ached sharply under the thick bandages and Michael honestly didn’t feel like doing anything. His insides felt like they’d been scraped out and stomped on. He just felt empty. Michael felt like he wanted to scream and sob at the same time, but that he was physically unable to. Max and Isabel had wanted him to stay home (as if he had a home to stay in), but he needed to see Alex, to make sure that he was okay. 

 

Michael’s eyes anxiously scanned the crowds as he walked down the hallways, but so far he didn’t see the one he was looking for. Panic started to rise as the first bell rang and there was no sign of Alex, but he squashed it down. 

 

_He’s probably just running late. Alex’s never been the most punctual, but he’ll be here during our third-period Chemistry class._

 

Having reassured himself, Michael made his way to his first-period class. 

 

The teacher’s voices were just a drone in his ear as he sat through the two classes, watching the clock, waiting on the edge of his seat for when he would see Alex. Anxious butterflies replaced the cold feeling of emptiness, but he didn’t know which one he preferred. His leg bounced up and down unconsciously. 

 

_What if Alex’s dad hurt him after I left? Why didn’t I stay, why didn’t I make sure that he was safe??_

 

Michael could see Max and Isabel whispering to each other and looking over at him with concern, but he couldn’t be bothered to care. All of his willpower was focused on getting to Chemistry class and seeing Alex. When the bell rang, he had to physically restrain himself from bolting out of the classroom. He practically raced into Mrs. Moore’s classroom but stopped dead in his tracks in the doorway when he saw that Alex’s seat was empty. 

 

_Alex has a spare before Chemistry, there’s no reason for him not to be here yet. Unless he’s not coming._

 

The butterflies were replaced with a black hole of chaos. 

 

_Where is he? What if he’s hurt? What if…what if he’s dead?_

 

“Mr. Guerin?” Mrs. Moore’s voice filtered in through the roaring in his ears, “Are you alright? You look quite pale.”

 

He snapped out of his frozen stupor and saw that everyone in the class was staring at him, some with amusement and some with indifference. He felt his face grow hot.

 

“You know what, I’m, I’m not feeling so well.” The words stumbled out of his mouth, “I-I’m just going to go home.”

 

He turned and blindly ran out of the doorway. He staggered down the hallway, the image of Alex’s father with his hands pressing on Alex’s throat taking over his vision. Michael felt himself run into people but simply ran on, out the door and into the bright sun. He felt strange, lightheaded and the left side of his chest was shooting sharp pains whenever he tried to breathe. The air was hot and sticky and it felt like it was choking him. 

 

_Alex is dead. Alex is dead. I killed him by leaving him alone with his dad._

 

“Michael!” Max’s voice rang in his ears as he gasped for breath, “What’s wrong? Why can’t he breathe?” Max asked someone who was on the other side of Michael. 

 

“Michael,” Isabel said as calmly as she could, “I think you’re having a panic attack. You need to try to take deep breaths and calm down.”

 

_I can’t breathe, Alex is dead. I killed him, I killed Alex._

 

Michael felt his back hitting a hard surface as he was gently directed down to the ground. His head was put in-between his knees as he continued to hyperventilate. 

 

“Take a breath,” Isabel coached gently, “Hold it, 1..2..3..release. Breathe in, hold, 1..2..3..breathe out.”

 

Slowly, Michael’s body began to listen to her and the tightness in his chest eased. After he was able to fully breathe for a couple of minutes, he looked up and saw Max and Isabel kneeling in the dirt in front of him, their eyes shining with concern. 

 

“You alright?” Max asked carefully. 

 

Michael shrugged them off, “Yeah, I’m fine.” He stood up, brushing the loose dirt off of his jeans. 

 

“You’re not fine,” Isabel said indignantly, “You just had a panic attack! What’s going on Michael?” 

 

“Nothing!” He snapped at her, “I’m fine, leave me alone!” 

 

He stalked off towards the parking lot, Max and Isabel running after him. 

 

“Where are you going?” Max shouted at his back as he got into his truck. He drove off without answering, leaving them in his dust trail. 

 

_I need to check on Alex. I need to make sure he’s okay. But how?_

 

Michael drove around the town a couple of times, before settling on a game plan. He would first check the shed, see if Alex was there. And if not, he would walk up to the Manes house and knock on the door. 

 

He parked his truck down the street and walked the familiar back lane to the shed. He knocked quietly, and after not getting an answer, he inched the door open. There, beside the door, was the table with blood still on it with the cursed hammer lying there innocently. His hand throbbed at the sight. Michael opened the door further and stepped into the shed. A rush of feelings came over him. 

 

The hot, flurried kisses, breathing heavily into Alex’s mouth as they explored each other’s bodies. The vulnerability, yet feeling of being safe. Until that illusion of safety was shattered by Sargent Manes walking in through the door. 

 

He swallowed the lump forming in his throat as he quickly scanned the small space. Alex wasn’t here. Michael felt like he had an anvil in his stomach. 

 

_Where is he?_

 

He quietly exited the shed, pulling the door closed behind him, shutting out the simultaneously wonderful and horrible memories. Time for the second phase of the plan. 

 

Michael had to walk around the block three times before he gathered up enough courage to walk up the front path of the Manes house and knock on the door. To be honest, there wasn’t much courage and more an overwhelming feeling of needing to know that Alex was okay. 

 

The door opened and Michael’s breath left him for the second time that day when he saw Alex standing in the doorway. The relief that was rushing through his body quickly left him as he looked closer. 

 

Alex had a darkening bruise forming around his right eye and he was holding himself stiffly, his left arm cradling his ribs. He looked shocked to see Michael standing in front of him, then a look of fear came over his face. 

 

“You can’t be here.” He hissed, looking over his shoulder, wincing at the action. 

 

“I needed to see if you were okay.”

 

“I’m fine,” Alex said stiffly. “You need to leave, now.”

 

“I’m not going anywhere,” Michael was determined that he wouldn’t leave Alex, not this time. He stepped forward and placed his hand gently on Alex’s face, brushing ever so lightly over the bruising. Alex closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, before pulling back, his face closed off. 

 

“You need to go, Guerin,” His voice was tight and left no room for arguments, “I’ll see you at school.” With that, Alex closed the door in Michael’s face, leaving him with an empty feeling in his heart. He stared at the door for a couple seconds, before dejectedly turning away and walking to his truck. 

 

_Maybe the reason why Alex couldn’t talk was because his dad was there. Once he was at school, they’d be able to talk more._

 

With that thought, Michael picked up his head and decided to go hang out in the diner until Max and Isabel would join him. He’d see Alex tomorrow. 

 

Except Alex didn’t go to school to the next day. Or the next. Michael had tried going over to his house again, but Sargent Manes was in the yard and Michael got spooked and left. So he was left, sitting through classes that he wasn’t paying attention to, waiting agonizingly for Alex to show up. 

 

When he finally did, Michael almost wished that he hadn’t. Everything that had made Alex, Alex, was gone. Gone was the eyeliner, the septum ring and the choker. The bruise on his eye had come to a glorious mash of colours. He didn’t make eye contact with anyone in the halls, though not many tried as hard as Michael did. Alex silently went through his classes, sometimes laying his head down on his folded arms in the middle class, effectively shutting out the world. 

 

Michael was getting desperate by the time that graduation came around. It had been a week and a half since the day in the shed and Alex hadn’t talked to him once. Michael had found himself descending into apathy. He didn’t care about anything other than Alex. He was constantly worrying about him, trying to get his attention. Once, Alex had dropped his books in the hallway (and Michael noticed that he grabbed his wrist in pain as he did so) and Michael rushed over to him to help. He’d gently touched Alex on the back and he jerked back as if he was burned. 

 

“Don’t-don’t touch me, Guerin,” He’d exclaimed with fear in his eyes. 

 

Michael backed up, pulling his hands back quickly. 

 

Did Alex think that I was going to hurt him? Michael felt sick at the thought and he watched as Alex picked up his books and practically ran down the hallway, away from him. 

 

Max and Isabel noticed the change in his mood. Ever since his panic attack, the two of them had been keeping a close eye on him. 

 

“What’s going on with you?” Max asked him point-blank in the cafeteria. 

 

“Nothing,” Michael stared at his lumpy mashed potatoes as he stirred them absentmindedly. 

 

“Something’s going on, you’ve been acting weird for over a week now. C’mon,” Max coaxed, “It’s our last day before graduation, let me fix this before it ruins our grad party.” 

 

“There’s nothing to fix!” Michael shouted, pushing back his chair with a loud squeal, “Just leave it!” As he stalked out of the cafeteria, he saw Alex staring at him with an expression of, what was that? Pity? Michael turned away scornfully. 

 

_Alex doesn’t get to pity me. He’s the one that’s doing this._

 

But Michael found that he couldn’t stay mad at Alex for long. No, the person he was truly mad at was himself. He’d kissed Alex in the emporium and he’d been the one to suggest taking it back to the shed. Michael had been the one that had left Alex to the mercy of his father. He was the reason why Alex got hurt. And now Alex wouldn’t even make eye contact with him, so he knew that Alex blamed him too. Michael would never forgive himself for that. 

 

He spent the rest of his last day in more misery than before. Max and Isabel had to drag him to the graduation ceremony. Once he received his diploma, he’d sat in his spot, glowering at anyone who would look at him. But the one person who he wanted to turn around, never did. Alex sat, staring impassively forward the whole ceremony. 

 

“We would like to take this time to acknowledge one student who is going to be serving our country in the Air Force after he graduates,” Michael tuned into the Principal’s speech, slightly curious as to who it would be. No one in their class had ever mentioned enlisting in the military before. 

 

“This young gentleman has been at the top of our class and will serve us well,” The Principal continued, “Alex Manes, please join me up here.”

 

Alex stood and walked up as if Michael’s world hadn’t just ended. He looked up, making eye contacted with Michael for one brief second and Michael couldn’t quite make out his expression before it was gone, replaced with a stoic front. 

 

The Principal and Alex exchanged formalities, but all Michael could focus on was the feeling of his heart being ripped out of his chest. There was a roar in his ears and he barely stood up in time with the rest of his class to walk off the stage. He made it through the gym doors before he ran off, his gown billowing around his legs. 

 

Michael ran into the bathroom and heaved up the contents of his stomach into the dirty toilet bowl. 

 

_Alex is leaving. He’s going to war._

 

He stayed there, kneeling on the bathroom floor until Max came looking for him. He didn’t ask any questions, whether that meant he’d figured it out or had just known that Michael wouldn’t want to talk about it, Michael didn’t care. He just sat there, holding back sobs for the boy he loved. The boy who was leaving him here alone. And it was all Michael’s fault. 


End file.
